
Yours dated [illegible] came to hand [illegible] afternoon—contents safe.
What you [illegible] a variety of thoughts...
I have long
thought enthusibility
an indispensible foundation [illegible] heroic life.
Besides numerous other "good" people as almost
everybody else would call them, I have in my mind the instance of my first wife—a girl whom I became acquainted
with at a school I attended in my 15th year, and married when I was just 18 yrs & 2 days
old—(mind you! I had no father, mother, sister, and but one rude, repellent brother and his wife a good
match for him.) Now, that girl of mine for 10 years was the purest, gentlest, and generally the most cheerfully
amiable person that could be imagined—I "fairly" worshipped
her from beginning to end, and was
perhaps as happy in marriage with her as a man
could possibly be [illegible] Yet she had that
fault—I don't
[illegible] got or could get the thought of
[illegible] into her head—she appeared
[illegible] all pervious to the entrance
of enthusiasm [illegible]
indeed my life with her
was somewhat painful, as [illegible] be sure that with my extreme
conscientiousness or fastidiousness in the business of
[illegible] could keep her really contented without
[illegible]ing my principles. When it became necessary in order to retain my home
that [illegible] reconstruct my family, I
preferred to be content with less of amiability if I could secure more strength or vitality.
I thought it would be too great a task to hunt the world over for
a perfect match. The present Mrs "Philosopher" is not destitute of various
desirable qualities—she is very "shrewd," and too nice a
housekeeper—Yet she is another one of the sort not enthusible.
Perhaps you have noticed that I could have sent you some considerable "heart-offering" without trying
to be able to justify myself by knowing you to be in absolute want
[illegible] Mrs. Philosopher can't rule me, and [illegible]
rule her! If you should wish to know [illegible] than from myself whether I am a
[illegible] oic "good enough" man, please
[illegible] that there are
means by which you [illegible] ascertain
who [illegible] the oldest resident [illegible]
prominent merchants, lawyers [illegible] this country.

Modesty and [illegible] blush at the thought of the answers [illegible] yet for leading questions about honesty [illegible]fulness, self sacrifice of pecuniary [illegible] on one hand or devotion to ideas of righteous opposition to a world on the other—also consider of father, uncle and cousins. (Probably you would not give a "fig" for more evidence.)
I find myself nothing like so happy a man as I was before the war—yet my property losses never troubled me
"one bit", and few of my near relatives lost their lives
or otherwise badly "hurt". I have come to have a poorer digestion, and have
met up with so many petty "crosses" from the
insignificance of the moral strength of "people" as
experience enlarges [illegible]—that I suppose
to be the chief cause [illegible] depression. I find however a sort
[illegible] myself in a change of belief about the
[illegible] question—when I thought
[illegible] were a direct work of a "Creator"
[illegible] help being angry with Him [illegible]
making of mean souls.
Also when I could have a [illegible] belief in
Free Will I [illegible] more than [illegible]
think I shall be here [illegible]
when looking upon souls as material
Free Will
as the product of "Antecedents".
(Please let us not waste time or life by arguing upon any points of difference in our opinions on any subject—I dont ask any long letters from you—only a card sometimes to tell of your health and happiness—There is not much political difference—with a white-hot temper or heart I unite a wonderfully thoughtful, cool, methodical character and habit of mind—I am no bigot (couldn't possibly be so)—would prove a great listener for you if I could be with you ☛ [illegible] "baby" has ordered you to talk and [illegible] tongue-tied. Crop work progressing well friend! bear up bravely—you [illegible] cause and must to the end [illegible] magnificent FAME. in the future [illegible] people in my country know what heroism means.
J. N. JohnsonP.S. I am a [illegible] the ground is too wet to plow—after one day's work I see a [illegible] ahead—I believe I will "kill" the mill and [illegible] with one stone" to-day—Monday May 10